Hyde's evil results....

My family has always told me that I dont know my own strength and that I can be hulk when motivated. Well, as you know, I dont play sports a lot and so having all of that sports persistance bottled up inside, sometimes explodes when i do play sports. Its kind of like a Jekyll and Hyde complex. So, being involved in Clark means that sometimes I play some sports for fun. Well, we play soccer at midnight on fridays, which is Johnny-O's program. Although I try to suppress it, my Hyde complex comes out every time I play sports and I get crazy and tough. Recently, its been towards women. Trust me, I have been feeling horrible about this because the last thing that I ever want to do is hurt a woman.

Ok, the day was sunday and ben, johnny o, and I were playing ultimate frisbee with others. Well, johnny o's team had the frisbee and it was about to be thrown to johnny so I thought I would intercept. Well, we collided, his foot wrapped around mine and twisted, and he fell. At first he looked fine until I saw him crawling on the ground. i rushed over to him and noticed that his right foot started to swell up incredibly fast, "Oh, crap!!!" So, Ben and I were told to go to the hospital and we found out that he had broken his ankle.

Needless to say, the remainder of the day and Monday i really felt like total crap. I have never felt so bad within myself so i didnt let anyone see or talk to me because of how I was. I am currently still recovering but trust me, I am so much better than I was. i really have to watch my Hyde complex because it is messing up nice things in my life. Sometimes, "I'm sorry" just isnt enough....

Frustrating People.....

I just talked to my friend Keaton who has had a crush on this girl we both know and he finally asked this girl out, just to do something small to see where it might lead. Well, the girl told him that she was very busy and gave a very strong and compelling argument. We found out later that she was still here when she said she had to leave which really pissed Keaton off and I dont blame him. I feel for you man. I have the same problem with women and it sucks, badly.

Also, a certain staff member at Clark has really been getting on my nerves lately. I should say that this person has been getting on my nerves since I first moved to Clark my freshman year, but Im a person that likes to give people chances so I figure that he (yes, its a he) will change over time, which I thought he did but I was wrong. He plays around a lot saying that he hates me because he says it in a very sarcastic voice. Although, lately he has been demonstrating this to me a lot which has really been annoying me. Have you ever met a person who everyone likes and that person likes everyone else except you for some odd reason? I hate to not like people but this person is really making it hard for me to resist the urge.

Dont get me wrong, I can take a joke. I have been made fun of for more than half of my life and become used to it since I have realized that Im just an easy person to joke with, but I do have a line that I draw and once you have crossed it, its hard to cross back.

But hey, I cant change people's outlook on the world no matter how much I want to. As a wise man once said, "You cant change the world, but you can make a dent"-Edward Norton. There will always be people who cross that line and frustrate me, but I must learn to deal with it.

And yes, I know why Ben, people are stupid. I dont mention the name of the person who has been frustrating me because if I read this years later I hope that will have forgotten that this person has angered me and it wont matter anymore, hopefully.....

Road Ahead....

Well, The Lord of the Rings Marathon is over and Im amazed that it only took 11 hours to watch it because I seriously thought it would take longer than that since it was the extended versions. Oh well, its over and it was success even though we didnt have the projector. Everyone loved having my sound system in the TV room. It really is needed for that room. Clark seriously should consider getting one.

Life has been going very well lately which is the way it should be. I think things are much better here at Clark Hall at the beginning of this semester. The people are more adept to everyone since we have all come to know each other. The new people here are incredible as well. I also got a new roommate named Robert who is pretty cool and I dont think there will be any problems, heaven forbid.

Right now things are fine. Johnny O still makes pranks, Ben still thinks he's always right, but a good person for advice, and Andy still has some self-loathing but ironically is still a good person to go to for any kind of philosophical advice.

right now, I look forward to the road ahead, even though I have been a person who has had anxiety about the future....

IM BACK!!!!!.....

Hey world, Ryan is back and finally has a new laptop!!! This thing is amazing, I swear. Its much better than my old one. Well, I guess I have to fill you in on the events that have happened since I last left you...

First of all, I am keeping my promise and bringing in this year with a smile. When I returned to Clark it was awesome to see everyone back from the break and it was great to have a 3-person room to myself for a whole week. I watched a ton of movies and hung out in the TV room a lot since I had it all to myself. The first couple of days I was in Clark by myself since the RAs were at training, so it was kind of bittersweet to have Clark to myself. I did get bored and began to wish I was an RA but I knew its going to happen next semester so it was cool.

I did, however, become the honorary RA of Clark Hall while all of them were gone. Carl, the AHD, had me doing RA type jobs around the dorm to get ready for the residents to move in. It was fun and good training.

It was nice to see all of the residents come back and start to rekindle things back at Clark. We truly are not just a community but a family as well.

It was a long weekend to rest and relax with friends at every corner. On MLKJ Day, I hooked up my sound system to test it out for my Lord of the Rings Marathon and it worked very well. Then, I got many petitions to watch movies in there with the system so we watched a couple and judging by everyone's excitement I decided to hook it up in there more often, preferably during the weekend.

All of my classes are going very well so far and I think this semester will be better than last semester because I am no longer under the tyranny of Astronomy.

Ok, on wednesday, January 10th, I predicted that it would snow exactly a week from that day and no one believed me since I saw it on weather.com. I kept on saying it but no one believed me. Then, on the next wednesday, I got a call at 7:15am from Johnny O stating that I was right and he was wrong and he told me to look outside, and I just yelled at the top of my lungs. Needless to say, I had bragging rights all day while having snowball fights, watching movies, and drinking hot chocolate. It was a good day.

Well, thats it for right now, except that I am sick, but its just my nose running. My throat stopped hurting yesterday so Im good. Today is also Mr. Jumper's birthday so happy birthday to you Ben. I hoped you like the thoughtful gifts that everyone got for you. I cant wait to go to Olive garden tomorrow. Friday is going to be amazing since it is the first Friday that I dont have classes.....YES!!!!!

Hello 2007!!!!....

The year is finally over and time to start anew!!! Happy belated New Year!!!

I just got back from vacation and it was amazing!!!! I have never had so much fun with my brother, sister-in-law, and my nephew. If anyone has never been skiing then I suggest you do it before you die because it is sooo much fun!!! We drove to the Apalachian Mountains and skiied at a place called Shanendoah Valley. It was beautiful up there, and so cold!!! The snow was so thick that it reached my knees sometimes. Now, to make a long story short, I did not ski on any mountain where you would have to be a professional, i started out very small since it was my first time, and let me tell you, I fell so many times that my brother could not stop laughing and neither could I. But, it was fun to fall into the snow, I loved it!!! we stayed there for two days since we had to travel to Birmingham, Alabama for my uncle's funeral. It was a really nice funeral because I learned so much more about my uncle that I didnt know. He was a very religious person and had a lot of strength. Also, it was nice to get to hang out with all of my cousins while I was there. We went to the mall, saw the movie Dreamgirls, which is a fantastic movie by the way, and we just hung out. It was a very relaxing vacation. The East Coast is beautiful. As me, my brother, and my nephew were driving back from Birmingham to DC, we saw numerous mountains along the way that were just awe-inspiring. It was really cool to get to spend a lot of much-needed time with my brother because as I grow up, he sees a lot of himself in me when he was growing up, which makes him an even more awesome brother because hew gives me a lot of advice.

Yes, I needed that vacation soooo badly because of all the frustrations Ive had. What's funny is that there were frustrations also during my vacation, but it did not bother me. Too many to mention, but just know that I did not and would not let it get to me. I still dont get the deal, but Im tired of worrying about it, so Im welcoming this year with a smile.... :^)

Oh!!!

Just a side note, Ill be in Washington DC tomorrow until January 2nd visiting my brother who I havent seen in about 2 years, which is long enough to declare legally dead. Its going to be awesome!!!!.......

Merry Christmas!!!

To all who read this, I wish you a Merry Christmas!!!

But, I have to tell you what happened at my church....

Well, it started out as a regular church day, where I go to church help out the choir, and hang out with friends. It was Christmas eve so my choir was getting ready for our annual Christmas program and we were practicing while helping Father Mike decorate the entire church. Thats when it happened....

Father Mike realized he was in a jam for a part of the Christmas ceremonies, he forgot to pick out a Santa Claus. He and others started fanning out all over the church looking for anyone who could play Santa Claus, and my choir director, whom I have known all of my life, told them that I could do it. Uhhh, needless to say, I immediately said, "No!!!" and went on the rest of the afternoon at the church saying it because lets just say that exactly ten Chritmases ago I played Santa when I was nine for a play that my school put on and I tripped and fell. That experience has haunted me all this time. I also started looking around for anyone else who could play Santa, anyone, but everyone had stuff already to do for the program and couldnt do it. "Why me" I kept asking myself, then I realized that it was because God wanted me to do it. I guess, he wanted me to take that nine-year-old phobia away from my life....

In great reluctance, i agreed. Of course, through all of the entire service and program I was as nervous as I had never been before. I didnt know what was wrong with me because I have been on stage dozens of times, so I guess it was just that event that happened ten years ago....

It was time. I got up there, did whatever Santa Claus does with my experience of seeing it done from other Santas in the past and all in all, it was worth it. To see those kids light up when they saw me was just soooo indescribable. It brought me back to when I was that young. It was awesome. They sat on my lap, told me what the wanted for Christmas, and took pictures with me. Geez, I have a huge soft heart, "Why me!!!", but thanx anyway God....

No Humbug for me.....

Weird, all of these bad things keep happening even when Im at home. This year has totally been a drag...

Ok, once I got back I told my parents about my computer and the lengths i took to get it fixed, and they were proud of my effort to get them not to spend money, but we had to. So, the only place I looked up where I could possibly get it repaired was Northpark Mall in downtown Dallas, about 30 minutes away. Well, my mom and I went there, it took us 20 minutes to find a parking spot, we go in, and the store tells us that it would cost up to $500 to get it fixed. WHAT!!! Needless to say, they suggested we buy another one, so I have been trying to look for good prices for another ever since that day. Next, the dryer broke in our house after I dried my clothes, then, the garabage compactor broke. Today, we just got news that my uncle Chris is doing worse and its only a matter of time now. My mom is flying off to Birmingham to see him tomorrow so she might not be home for Christmas. Oh yeah, my dad found a gray hair on my head and I told him that it had to be because of this semester. That tells you I have had stress....

But, you know what, through it all, Im not mad or depressed because its Christmas. I make sure I do all the family traditions. Like every year, I volunteered at the Salvation Army by handing out gifts to neeedy families for Christmas. Because of the money we have to spend, I might not get a present this year, but you know, I really dont care. Its funny, I could actually care less. I have gotten all the presents for the people who care about me and that is what makes me feel good. Christmas has always been that special time of year for me where I reflect and my life and thank God so much for it. I truly think that this is a test from Him and I bless Him for always making see the true spirit of the Holidays. I truly think that nothing can destroy that spirit for me and thats the only present I need....

Vacation, all I ever wanted.....

Christmas break is here and it's time to celebrate. I am done with astronomy forever!!! So what if I got my first "D" in college, I still passed and that is good enough for me. I thought this terrible semester was complete when my laptop broke....oh yeah, my laptop broke. the connector on the back of the computer that connects the chord to the outlet broke off. So how am I writing this blog, I am at home on my desktop. Anyway, Back to the end of the semester....so as I was saying, I thought that this terrible semester would be complete with the total annihilation and destruction of my laptop, but no, I finally found my silver lining....I know its corny but just go with it, ok.....some really good friends of mine donated some money to buy me a $40 gift card to Hastings. Now, I have seen my fair share of tear-jerking movies in my day and have never cried at any of them, well except Passion of the Christ, but lets not get into that, anyway, this act of just plain awesome kindness almost made me want to show my feminine side. Oh c'mon, every man has a femenine side whether we want to accept it or not. I really can't thank everyone enough for what they did.

Well, its vacation time and on the day after christmas, the 26th, I am going to Washington DC to see my brother. Man, I cant wait because we are going skiing and its going to be awesome. Considering all of the dumb and stupid stuff that has happened to me this semester and normally does not happen in my life, I deserve this vacation.

Vacation, all I ever wanted, Vacation, have to get away......well, you know the rest.....

Be a Follower Not a Leader

For most of my life, my parents have told me to be a leader not a follower, and for most of my life I have strived to be that, but its just not in the cards. I have always been a follower. I have been influenced a lot by other people where in reality I almost have no individuality. Sometimes I just dont stand up for my own personal beliefs enough and when i do, there is a more compelling arguement that comes my way that someone else has brought forth, and I usually go with that. I need a life....

Plus, I help people all the time. I have been doing that since middle school, If people need someone to talk to they always come to me because I am only good to talk to and express feelings to. I have never done a lot just for myself and I guess its bittersweet because Im not really selfish. I always let others go before me, which sometimes is not good in a way. But again I think of how much different the world I know would be if I didnt even exist. Oh well, like I said there will be a satisfaction day for me and thats good enough for me....

Some Day.....

If you are one of those people who were never born with athletic talents or any kind of talent with games, I feel your pain....

This entire semester I have been getting more involved with intramurals at Clark and trying to excercise any kind of athletic talent or any kind of skill I have with games, but sadly I have none whatsoever. None for pool, ping-pong, board games, or sports in general just to name a few. I have lost every game I have come in contact with. You see, when I lose its, of course, my fault, but when Im on a team, we lose either because I suck or I just have this losing aurora around me where I cant be with a winning team. Dont worry, I find it very funny. For example, when I was playing Battleship with either Andy, Ben, or Johnny O, I would start winning at a really fast rate and just when I know I have them beat, out of nowhere this huge fluke happens where they beat me at the last second. Whats the deal!!! I even lose to the person who sucks really bad at something. Oh well, I have faith that one of these days I will win something, and it might be major because all of this losing has to add up to something major happening, I hope....

Well, until that day comes, Ill try to keep being a good sport about things.....

SNOW!!!!!

It was winter wonderland here at Clark Hall. It was awesome to play in the snow then come back inside, watch some movies while drinking hot chocolate. the only problem was that school closed at 3pm instead of earlier, but whatever Im just happy it snowed. I mean c'mon its Texas.

Infinity....NOT!!!!

when people go back and forth when they make jokes, some of them slap on infinity to the end of their joke which means the other person cant make any more. Its funny, but stop and think....nothing is infinite in this world except God, so it doesnt work, HA!!!

Anyway, surprise, surprise, Ive been in one of my moods again and I did promise that I would try not to write depressing stuff anymore, but the time demands it because my Uncle Chris is on life support right now and it doesnt look good.

As I stated in my previous blog, Uncle Chris has had a rough life. He was born paralyzed from the waist down and his immune system not fully working. Uncle is the fifth child of nine children on my mom's side. He is my mom's brother. He is in late forties right now and I see him as a huge role model in my life because he has had to indure his entire life. think of your life. he never experienced a lot of simple pleasure having been paralyzed, being black and living in the segregation era. Every time I see him he always has a smile on his face and he is one the friendliest people you could ever meet. I love him so much.

It goes to show you that nothing is infinite in this world. We take a lot of things for granted and this is what puts me in this mood; not just because of my uncle but how much life throws at us and we always focus on the little things without looking at the big picture. Uncle Chris did and I love him so much for that. Im just glad that he is finally going home and leaving the turbulence that is life to get there.

We all have to focus on the big picture because such things like love is eternal and will never die. My Uncle Chris showed me that. Thanks Uncle Chris.....

Lets Pray....

May God be with my Uncle Chris Powell as he is about to enter heaven. He has had a rough life but he has been an inspiration to me because he is one of the strongest people I have ever met in my life. God Bless him!!!

OMG!!!....

OH MY GOD!!!!!I cant believe the semester is almost over!!!! I cant believe I have had so many terrible days this semester!!!! I cant believe how much fun SWACURH was!!! I cant believe I did something major with out my parents knowing!!!! I cant believe I watched Star Wars for 15 hours.....

I am so glad this semester is almost over because it has been the most physically and emotionally draining semester I have ever had in college. The only class I am afraid of is Astronomy because the teacher makes the class really hard because she gives a lot of information but still has some info on the test that we didnt go over. Logic just adds math to the equation and Im lost. the other classes are fine.

Well, yes, I have had a whole lot of terrible days this semester. Not just in the class but outside the class as well. I dont know why this year has been the season of depression but as a friend recently told me, "If this is the worst time in my life, then I have it good." Its a good quote that I shall remember. These last couple of weeks have been the last of my bad days this semester hopefully. The only thing is that because of all these bad days, little things are beggining to get to me and I hate that because there is no reason for it. Oh well, I am definitely going to try and be the great person that I, my family, friends, and God know that I am.

SWACURH, which mean South West Affiliate of College and Universities for Residence Halls, WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!! I have never had so much joy for being involved in residence life. We traveled to Texas Tech for a conference/retreat for all of the Hall Associations in the southwest region. We did a WHOLE lot of cheers for UNT and yelled so much that I lost my voice the day we came back. There was a lot of bonding on this trip and I met some really cool people from other schools. I am so glad I went and I hope to go again.

I went camping for the 10th time in my life last weekend with a cool group of people and it was the first time i went camping without any Boy Scouts which was fun because it was just a fun trip with friends. The only Eagle Scouts there were ben and I, but I wasnt being much of a scout though since i didnt have some small camping equipment. Oh well, I still had a lot of fun. Its one of those times in my life i will never forget because i did it without my parents knowing.

just to reiterate, people are stupid and i hate stupid people, so i hate myself.....NO!!! of course not, just people who do stupid things, I cant stand, I mean c'mon, can you?.....

The 5th of November....

Remember, remember the 5th of November....I just survived a blackout at Clark and needless to say it was bittersweet. Yeah, we had no power what-so-ever, but it was fun to see everyone just hanging out in the dark and do just stuff. We should have T-shirts for this blackout because it lasted a little over an hour. Yeah, we had fun but people were still frantic. Also, we watched V for Vendetta since its the 5th of November. If you havent seen the movie then you should because its an awesome movie and also to understand why we watched it today.

Remember, remember the 5th of November the gunpowder treason and plot. i know of no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot....

Good Friends....

Throughout my life I have been blessed with awesome friends in my life, but they never last and i feel kind of bad about that. My first ever friend's name was John and he lived directly across the street from me and he was an awesome friend. He was like a brother to me. Unfortunately, he moved away when i was six and i havent seen or talk to him since. From then on, I hadnt had a really good friend since. Especially in middle school, i had no friends but i really didnt care because all of the people in middle school were either mean or just stuck-up. Basically, I hated middle school with every ounce of my being and to this day it still haunts me.

In high school, it was much better because people were a little bit more mature in those times. I do stress the "little" part. I did meet some people who eventually became really good friends to me. Abel, Garnett, Buzz, Chase, Sean, and Jennifer. There was one guy though that became a really good friend and his name ironically enough was Ryan. Ryan Zauber is like me in every way, literally. The only difference is that he is white. We still hang out and talk during the summer while we are both in college; its the same with Buzz.

My point is that I have found that most the time friendship are not everlasting which kind of devasting to me because i feel that every one should have a good friend and God has blessed me many times with that. Now in college I have a lot of people that I have really become friends with and once again its awesome. I guess you cant predict the future so i dont know how long friendship with the people i meet will last. Like i said i still keep in touch with my good friends ryan and buzz while also making friends with others while in college. I dont know what the future holds because I have learned that friends come and go and maybe come back, I just hope that the support, fun, and memories never die. Thanks God for blessing me with awesome friends throughout my life....

AWESOME!!!!

I am currently in the TV room watching the Star Wars marathon and we are on episode five: Empire Strikes Back. Like the Disney marathon, I have been going since 9am and I am damn proud of it. All six star wars movies plus the clone wars on a big projector screen and sound system. Its what i like to do. I cant until next semester when we do lord of the rings. YES!!!!!!!!

Star Wars.....

On a lighter note though, this weekend we will be showing all 6 Star Wars films in order chronologically on a big projector screen. AWESOME!!!!!!!

Crying for those Green Pastures.....

They say that there are only certain times when a an cries. Some examples are a faily tragedy, when his girlfriend or wife is the only one around, or he is alone. Me, I am sitting here in my dorm room alone so its ok for me to cry. Well, there reason I am in my room crying is not because I have lost almost any game at the dorm that I have played an RA at or the fact that I am hating astronomy, it is because of the past weekend.....

The stress started on Friday when I was totally unaware that anything would happen to me since I was really looking forward to this weekend: it was the last weekend before halloween and Clark Hall Association was hosting a Masquerade Ball to celebrate. I had my costume, all the food and donations were sent so everything was set. The only thing that might have made me sad was that some people I knew werent coming. No, not just you andy and ben, but other people I knew as well, but it honestly didnt bother me a lot. So, we are getting ready on Friday and matt griffeth was picking up the food and low and behold, Little Ceasars denied making any kind of agreement with me and only gave us half of what we had asked and gotten confirmed for. Carl and I were pissed. And The Tomato completely forgot our order and it got here very late during the ball. Other than that the ball was fun and I had a blast. Even though there was barely any people there, the people who were there made it very special and I thank them.

Well, i guess you could say I had a bit too much fun because the very next morning I was very sick. It has been going around the dorm for months so I wasnt too surprised by it and was just going to take medicine and let it run its course. That was the biggest disappointment of that day apart from no one being in the dorm. It was dead. It was like the ideal weekend for everyone to leave and go someowhere. Barely anyone was here.....

Sunday was just the pinnacle of disappointment. It began as my fault because I had procrastinated on this 4 page paper that I was supposed to do for my film class, so, being that I was still sick, I decided to get on that. I had about 2 and a half pages done when my phone rings and it was my dad. He was just calling to remind me about what we are going to do for thanksgiving. After that, he starts striking up a general conversation about how I am doing in school and in life and as usual he starts asking me if I have been to any black parties. I have already had an on and off bad weekend so I tell him that I did not want to talk about that again, and then he gives me the "You should be more connected with your race lecture" and says something that I will never forget, and I dont think he knows how uch he affected me, "I wish you were more like that...." Its like he did not even like the way I am. I love my dad, but sometimes he says things that I know he doesnt mean but doesnt realize how much words can hurt......

So the rest of the day and some of this day I have been in a slump. I have been on and off hammered down because of it and if anyone is reading this and has seen me today, Im sorry you had to see me like that. Like my dad, I am sort of sensitive to certain things and they dwell on me sometimes no matter how much I dont want them to. Sorry....

Well, tomorrow is another and I hate that most of y blogs comprise of me being depressed, but if I am happy or sad I do write about it, its just it seems that it is depression season because I have also been doubting my leadership as president, but I have pushed that aside because that is just dumb little satan talking. Anyway, I am in my room right venting on these events that have happened this weekend and I feel that I will be better tomorrow. I am reminded of Psalm 23 and this semester has dealt with my emotions so much that I am still going to carry on. So I am crying, crying for those green pastures.....