They say that there are only certain times when a an cries. Some examples are a faily tragedy, when his girlfriend or wife is the only one around, or he is alone. Me, I am sitting here in my dorm room alone so its ok for me to cry. Well, there reason I am in my room crying is not because I have lost almost any game at the dorm that I have played an RA at or the fact that I am hating astronomy, it is because of the past weekend.....
The stress started on Friday when I was totally unaware that anything would happen to me since I was really looking forward to this weekend: it was the last weekend before halloween and Clark Hall Association was hosting a Masquerade Ball to celebrate. I had my costume, all the food and donations were sent so everything was set. The only thing that might have made me sad was that some people I knew werent coming. No, not just you andy and ben, but other people I knew as well, but it honestly didnt bother me a lot. So, we are getting ready on Friday and matt griffeth was picking up the food and low and behold, Little Ceasars denied making any kind of agreement with me and only gave us half of what we had asked and gotten confirmed for. Carl and I were pissed. And The Tomato completely forgot our order and it got here very late during the ball. Other than that the ball was fun and I had a blast. Even though there was barely any people there, the people who were there made it very special and I thank them.
Well, i guess you could say I had a bit too much fun because the very next morning I was very sick. It has been going around the dorm for months so I wasnt too surprised by it and was just going to take medicine and let it run its course. That was the biggest disappointment of that day apart from no one being in the dorm. It was dead. It was like the ideal weekend for everyone to leave and go someowhere. Barely anyone was here.....
Sunday was just the pinnacle of disappointment. It began as my fault because I had procrastinated on this 4 page paper that I was supposed to do for my film class, so, being that I was still sick, I decided to get on that. I had about 2 and a half pages done when my phone rings and it was my dad. He was just calling to remind me about what we are going to do for thanksgiving. After that, he starts striking up a general conversation about how I am doing in school and in life and as usual he starts asking me if I have been to any black parties. I have already had an on and off bad weekend so I tell him that I did not want to talk about that again, and then he gives me the "You should be more connected with your race lecture" and says something that I will never forget, and I dont think he knows how uch he affected me, "I wish you were more like that...." Its like he did not even like the way I am. I love my dad, but sometimes he says things that I know he doesnt mean but doesnt realize how much words can hurt......
So the rest of the day and some of this day I have been in a slump. I have been on and off hammered down because of it and if anyone is reading this and has seen me today, Im sorry you had to see me like that. Like my dad, I am sort of sensitive to certain things and they dwell on me sometimes no matter how much I dont want them to. Sorry....
Well, tomorrow is another and I hate that most of y blogs comprise of me being depressed, but if I am happy or sad I do write about it, its just it seems that it is depression season because I have also been doubting my leadership as president, but I have pushed that aside because that is just dumb little satan talking. Anyway, I am in my room right venting on these events that have happened this weekend and I feel that I will be better tomorrow. I am reminded of Psalm 23 and this semester has dealt with my emotions so much that I am still going to carry on. So I am crying, crying for those green pastures.....
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