Connections....once again....

I had my first Black History Program at Clark on last Wednesday. It was at 7pm in the tv room and it was a discussion panel on every thing to do with racial issues now and in the past. It was crazy. It was sooo hard to contain everyone because everyone had something to say about everything. It lasted until 1130pm!!! Amazing, I know!!!

Anyway, after that program I began to reevaluate the way I perceive my life and try to really notice the way people perceive me. Some of the ways that I have noticed about my life are good and of course some are bad. The way others perceive me is different because there is more bad than good.

Well, at Clark I am perceived and known as the "movie guy" and nothing else. The fact is that throughout most of my life I have been known as that. It grows on you in both a good way and a bad way. People can always count on you when it comes movies and entertainment, although, that is all that they can count on you for because that is all that they think is our purpose.

people have different purposes and interests on this earth and most people have more than one. I am afraid that I think I have just one. I am afraid that this is going to be the only thing in my life that people are going to know me for and it is scary. I can not connect with people in any other way. Basically, I need a life....

In a way, it seems that I am jealous of those around me and I use the term "jealous" very loosely because I just sometimes yearn to have and experience what they have experienced since I have not done much outside of my own one interest.

Well, the real reason I am writing this is that yesterday a friend and I were hungry but I had a meeting to go to and told him that I would call him once i get out. So I do and he is already eating. The thing is, he seems to do stuff like this a lot. Its not just him, but its like that with a lot of my friends making it seem that I don't have the connection that I should if I am their friend. I dont know, maybe I'm not being a good friend.

There are barriers that I feel that I cant get around because I am one of the few people that are black, has an interest outside of sports, and hangs out with other races more often. I guess some people are still not used to a black man hanging out with you. I am mad at my friend but we are only human and I shouldnt concentrate on little problems and look at the big picture: at least he is my friend. The full connection may not be there, but he still is my friend.

Despite it all, I still pray, and I pray for that day when I will be seen by all for more than what they think interests me. My interest does not completely shape who I am.....