Read this.....

This is a passage from a fellow blogger who is a friend of mine. He is also going through some rough times as well. I havent talk to him lately because I feel that I dont want to burden him with sympathy about my situation. Anyway, it a good passage that made me think about my faith and my relationship with God, plus how other people relate to Him. Warning: It is kind of depressing, but the root of it is good. Judge whether you agree or not......


It's a hard line. It requires more than it looks. The worst part is dealing with how far is too far. How far do you go before you have to step out of the box? I find that most times, the biggest reason people can't walk that is because they don't enough about what they believe to do it. We sacrifice our love for things that we don't fully understand under the assumption that we're standing for what we believe in. It's what you do in America, right? You sacrifice the group for personal happiness. This is what we're taught; this is how we live our lives. This is why the Church failed. It's why I no longer have a desire to get to know to people.
So much of my heart feels so hardened toward others. I can't help but feel this gigantic pain that never ceases. Walking outside, the wind blew through my hair. It pretended to refresh me and give me hope. The wind had something in it that desired to revitalize me. It was as if it had a purpose, but it had no reason. The wind didn't direct itself to find me. It had no choice. It filled it's own desire to be needed and left me unfulfilled, wanting more.
That's the way I see things now-a-days. We watch shows that give us hope that there's more to life, but what if we just came to realization that there isn't more. We aren't connected to each other on a personal level. Our desire is to find someone that we can use to give us our own high. Then we leave them. They've filled our egos. They've filled our self-centered hopefulness, and slowly, we've forgotten what's really going on. There's no longer a church. It has become a group of individuals that use each other for personal gain.
What destroys me is when I choose to talk to people about it. The church has failed, and we do nothing to change it. I feel the need to say that the bride of Christ has cancer. It's the cancer of pride, of egotism, of narcissism. So let's pretend like everything's ok. I'm dying inside. It hurts to continue to walk. It hurts to continue to fight this battle. I wish things could change. I pray that it one day does. America badly needs the eastern missionaries to show us what love is or to show us what a community really is.
I spent some time thinking, looking into my different relationships, revising them if you must. For the Dentonites, the one that I thought was my most valuable turned out to be the most abusive. "How's it going?" is the question asked of me, and all I can think about is "Why do you care?" I know their answer to it. I do. I don't like it one bit, but the truth remains. It's a question that doesn't have to be directly answered. Actions are more noticable than we think. For the Del Rioans, I no longer feel that I have a right to be involved. I've left. That town is a place that I no longer consider home. It's a place where my parents live, but it's not my home. I am no longer active, and so I have no right to believe I have value.
For the most part, burdens hurt, but why should you care? I believe Lawrence was right. Elliott Smith saved us all.

*EDIT* P.S.: Before there is any confusion, when I say that the church failed, I blame the church. This includes myself. Therefore, I blame myself as well as others. My own shortcomings help to add to the failure. I do not claim superiority as a christian. I am probably the worst of us all, though we are no better than anyone else, and that includes John Wayne Gacy and Cho (the guy that mass murdered Virginia Tech).