Pride....

A lot of people say it's fear, but when you really think about it, pride is the root of all sin. It instigates our drive to fear and anger.

I was tested a lot today and yesterday within myself and how others affected me. We are all prideful about something personal and the fear of losing it catapults our anger, whether it be an insult to our good nature or flaws. Of course, with family and friends that is another story entirely.

Always lift up your family, even if their faults may have a bad reflection upon you, and always lookout for your friends. If a friend falls or someone else trips him, try to be there to pick them back up. "No greater love is there than for a person to lay down their life for a friend."

But I digress (big word!), I have tried to quell my anger my entire life because I refuse to become what others try to make me become. To put it simply, the past haunts me and I put up with a lot of insults growing up, which both hurt and helped me become who I am. First of all, I come from a family of sensitive people, so it is already ingrained in me, however, it means emotions manifest very deeply. I have the capacity to over exert my emotions.

If you knew me, I'm very optimistic and passionate about things in life, and I try to be that person that is welcoming to anyone. I try to never allow anyone to see me angry because it's a foreign thing that is scary, even for me.

Yesterday, I was angry with myself for a work-related accident that really could have been avoided and today I was angry at a coworker who doesn't outright insult me, but continuously judges my nature because I am way too different than what they prefer me to be. Unfortunately, the person is just way to self-absorbed anyway, so in reality I shouldn't think much of it. But, it just finally got to me today because it added to the already shameful feelings I had yesterday. I left the office, went outside, and cooled off.

I was mad, frustrated, and stated how that person's nature was so much lower than mine. However, I thought and prayed about it, and saw how my own pride started judging them comparatively. I thought how past insults in my life have affected me, because Lord knows I've endured many like most people. I have usually thought myself better than that person for never degrading myself to their level, but it's a two-way street and I'm condemning myself in the process.

The Beatles said it best, "All you need is Love". All I can do is know what is true and keep following it on through (did I just rhyme without knowing it?). Anyway, we're all human and we get angry, some more than others, but we have to understand that what motivates our anger is our pride. It may suck, but let them insult us, we know what is true in ourselves. And, as always, shit happens, we learn from it and go on. Never dwell on it, because that just provokes an unhealthy, long-standing relationship with what I've been rambling about: pride.....